Saturday, May 26, 2012

Pantaloons of Puissance

DCC RPG Backcover

The Pantaloons of Puissance aka Bellbottoms of Bad-assery

These red and white vertically stripped male lower body garments will only work for humans and dwarves. Elves and halflings lack the requisite firmness of character. No female of any race has survived a donning attempt.

When worn, with pride, the bearer of these mighty man pants may shout out.
"Look, just look at how awesome these are. See how they are tight up top around my package, but down below they flare out at the ankles.  I dare you to imagine a better pant. But, I must caution you, many greater than thou have tried and were rendered sniveling, sobbing,weak things. 
That person behind me, my pants have overcome her and she imagines she is drawing an invisible bow. Or, is it that she dropped her handbow in shock and awe at the sight of my manly legs bedecked in bloodstained stripes? Perhaps both, as my pantaloons prance between all possibilities save those where they aren't outstandingly awesome as that is clearly not possible."
And so on. For as long as he extols his pantaloons (1 round minimum) all intelligent creatures of lessor level and regardless of whether they understand speaker's language will be enthralled as they ponder his pants. If speaker pauses, stutters, misspeaks or his words are simply weak and unworthy of the pantaloons might the mesmerized should be afforded a saving throw, -1d if currently pantless.

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