Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Swanhelm "Gift of the Elves"

aka "two friends get drunk and ask each other why D&D doesn't have a beer hat magic item"

Overly large, overly ornate, mithral helm of the finest elven craftsmanship. Styled in the form of a swan. With folded articulated wings and long articulated neck. Close inspection will reveal a cleverly concealed "butt plug". When removed, it reveals an empty cavity within "body" of the Swan. Which appears able to contain a fare amount of liquid.

Something like this first image but with equally large and obnoxious wings. Or, second image but four times larger. The opposite of practical/cool/macho/elegant.




That second drawing from "Middle Earth something or another" forum which has a lot of amazing concept art. Worth checking out.

If liquid is in the Swanhelm when the command phrase is spoken "I have the Swan Power!"  the swan neck bends around and down. Its swan beak opens and squirts that liquid towards wearer's mouth hole whether bearer is ready to receive or not. About one dose of a potion or a big, manly gulp of ale per invocation.

Alternatively if "I bestow (insert name here) with the Swan Power!" is spoken, the chin strap will disconnect, the wings will spread open and the entire helm will "fly" to named person and deliver a squirt of liquid as above. It does not fly back.

If either phrase is spoken when swan is empty, the wings flap agitatedly and swan honks disapprovingly in front of wearer's face. Obstructing view for a round or two and possibly attracting wandering monster. 


Most scholars agree this item was created by elves weary of their boorish human allies too crude to comprehend elvish sophistication.

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